When Behaviour Is Really Anxiety: Understanding the Hidden Signals and How to Calm it

Intruction

Anxiety does not always appear the way most people imagine it.It isn’t always shaking hands, rapid breathing, or panic attacks.Often, anxiety hides quietly behind behaviours — especially for adults with developmental disabilities, seniors experiencing cognitive decline, and even for caregivers and staff who feel overwhelmed.— anxiety hides quietly behind everyday behaviours.

These behaviours can be misunderstood as:

• stubbornness

• “bad attitude”

• avoidance

• aggression

• lack of motivation

• defiance

But underneath is something very different:

A nervous system trying to feel safe.

This blog explains how hidden anxiety appears and offers practical ways caregivers and families can help calm it.

Understanding this hidden form of anxiety is essential for building compassionate, responsive care. At EmpowerLiving Community Services Society, we see every behaviour as communication. When someone cannot fully explain their inner world with words, their body and actions become their voice.

This blog explores how anxiety often disguises itself, why it happens, and how families and caregivers can respond with confidence, patience, and empathy.

What Is “Hidden Anxiety”?

Hidden anxiety refers to internal distress that shows up through behaviour rather than verbal expression.This is especially common among:

• Adults with developmental disabilities

• Autistic individuals

• Seniors with dementia, Alzheimer’s, or cognitive decline

• People who have difficulty processing or expressing emotions

• Anyone who experiences overwhelming stress

When the nervous system feels unsafe or overloaded, behaviour becomes a survival tool.

How Anxiety Disguises Itself

Common Behaviours

Below are behaviours often mistaken for “attitude” or “non-compliance” — when in reality, they are symptoms of anxiety:

1. Avoidance or Refusal

Looks like: “He doesn’t want to participate.”

Is actually: The task feels unpredictable, confusing, or overwhelming.

Avoidance is one of the clearest signs of fear. Adults with DD or seniors may refuse an activity not because they dislike it, but because they feel unsafe or uncertain.

Avoidance = fear.

2. Silence or Shutting Down

Looks like: being rude, ignoring staff, zoning out

Is actually: Social anxiety or mental overload.

When communication becomes too hard, the brain protects itself by going quiet. This is common in social anxiety, cognitive overload, or sensory overwhelm.

3. Irritability or Anger Outbursts

Looks like: “He gets angry for no reason.” “aggressive behavior”

Is actually: Fight-mode anxiety.

Stress can activate the same system responsible for anger. The person is not trying to be aggressive; they are overwhelmed. When someone cannot escape a situation that scares them, their system may react with anger.

4. Perfectionism or Procrastination

Looks like: “She’s lazy” or “He never starts anything.”

Is actually: Fear of making a mistake.

The pressure to “do it right” can paralyze someone into inactivity.

5. Over-Controlling or Rigid Behaviour

Looks like: “He needs everything his way.”stubbornness

Is actually:  trying to feel safe when the world feels unpredictable.

This is especially common in autism, OCD tendencies, and dementia.

Control reduces anxiety.

6. Repetitive Behaviours or Checking

Looks like: “She’s being obsessive.”

Is actually: Anxiety looping into compulsions or reassurance-seeking.

These behaviours reduce fear, even temporarily. The nervous system is asking: “Am I safe yet?”

7. Social Withdrawal

Looks like: “He doesn’t like people.”,avoiding people

Is actually: Fear of judgment, overstimulation, or social fatigue.

Anxiety makes social situations exhausting.

Why Anxiety Shows Up as Behaviour

Many people we support — especially adults with DD or seniors — cannot always articulate what they feel.Reasons include:

Communication Differences

They may know something feels “wrong” but cannot describe it clearly.

-Sensory Sensitivities

Loud noises, busy environments, or unpredictable changes create anxiety the same way pain does.

-Cognitive Decline

Seniors experiencing dementia often feel anxious without knowing why. Their behaviour expresses the fear their mind cannot explain.

-Emotional Overload

When emotions become too strong, the brain defaults to survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

-Past Negative Experiences

If someone previously felt unsafe or misunderstood, similar situations may trigger anxiety.

People often think behaviour comes “from nowhere,” but there is always a reason.

Hidden anxiety appears because someone:

• cannot explain what they feel

• struggles to identify emotions

• becomes overloaded by noise or busy environments

• fears doing something incorrectly

• has memory or cognitive challenges

• has experienced past negative situations

• lacks predictability or control

• is tired, hungry, or overstimulated

Behaviour is the brain’s emergency language.

How to Calm Anxiety That Shows Up as Behaviour

Here are practical, evidence-based strategies used by developmental disability workers, mental health professionals, and dementia care specialists.

1. Create Predictability

Anxious brains love routine.

Use:

• daily schedules

• visual supports

• clear steps

• reminders of what comes next

Predictability = safety.

2. Reduce Sensory Overload

Lower stimuli in the environment:

• reduce noise

• avoid crowds

• dim lights

• minimize rushing

A calmer space means a calmer nervous system.

3. Validate the Feeling

Validation settles the nervous system faster than logic.

Say:

• “I can see this is hard.”

• “You’re safe. I’m here.”

• “Let’s take this one step at a time.”

This reduces fight, flight, or freeze responses.

4. Break Tasks Into Smaller Pieces

Large tasks feel threatening.

Break them down:

1. Step 1

2. Step 2

3. Step 3

Celebrate each small success.

5. Offer Choices

Anxiety decreases with control.

Even small choices help:

• “Do you want to start with the table or the chair?”

• “Do you want to go now or in 5 minutes?”

Autonomy calms fear.

6. Use Comfort Items

Comfort objects reduce anxiety, especially during transitions.

Examples:

• noise-cancelling headphones

• fidgets

• weighted items

• a familiar scarf or picture

• calming music

These provide grounding.

7. Co-Regulation (Most Important)

A calm caregiver helps calm the person.

Techniques:

• slow breathing together

• gentle tone

• soft facial expression

• calm body language

• sitting beside them, not in front

Nervous systems sync.Your calm becomes their calm.

8. Keep Instructions Simple

During anxiety, the brain cannot process long sentences.

Use:

• short steps

• one sentence at a time

• visual cues when possible

Less language = less stress.

9. Avoid Power Struggles

Power struggles activate fight-mode.

Instead:

• offer choices

• redirect gently

• acknowledge feelings first

• stay calm and consistent

Connection works better than control.

10. Slow Transitions

Transitions trigger anxiety for many people.

Use:

• warnings (“5 minutes left”)

• visual countdowns

• gradual change instead of sudden change

• a transition item (fidget, water bottle, comfort object)

Predictability lowers stress.

When Caregivers Understand Hidden Anxiety, Everything Changes

Families feel more confident.Staff feel less frustrated.Adults with disabilities feel respected.Seniors feel safe and understood.

And behaviours that once looked “difficult” now make sense:

The person is not trying to be challenging — they are trying to cope.

The behaviour is a bridge to understanding their internal world.

When we meet hidden anxiety with patience, skill, and compassion, we empower the person’s ability — not their limitations.

Why Understanding Matters

When we see behaviour as communication, everything changes.

Parents feel less guilt.Seniors feel less misunderstood.Adults with developmental disabilities feel respected.Caregivers feel more confident and less frustrated.

And most importantly — the person experiencing anxiety finally feels seen.

Our Commitment at EmpowerLiving Community Services Society

Whether supporting adults with developmental disabilities or offering home-care and respite for seniors, our goal is always the same:

To understand the person behind the behaviour.

To provide safety before expectations.

To empower every individual’s ability, not limit their potential.

If you would like more resources, workshops, caregiver education, or support, we are here to help.

Join Our Community

If you or your loved one is looking for a supportive, inclusive day program in the Tri-Cities area, we would love to meet you.

Email: contact@elcss.org

Phone: 604-945-2117

Website: https://www.empowerlivingsociety.org/

Together, we can create a community where every individual — regardless of ability — is empowered to live, learn, and belong.